top of page

WEEK 5

LIVING DEEPLY

Depositphotos_320342286_XL_edited.jpg

LIVING DEEPLY & CORE VALUES

This week's session, Living Deeply, focuses on helping you identify your core values, discover the hidden meaning in your struggles, and practice skills for listening to others in a deep, compassionate manner.


Why include core values in MSC? 

The quintessential self-compassion question is, “What do I need?”, and in order to answer that question, sometimes we need to know what we value most in our lives - our core values.  Research has shown that affirming our core values enhances self-compassion (Lindsay & Creswell, 2014). 

Human needs and core values are fundamental to our sense of wellbeing. Human needs are commonly associated with physical and emotional survival, such as the need for health, safety, or connection.Core values have more to do with meaning, such as the importance of friendship or creativity in a person's life. Of course, our needs and values overlap.  For example, a life without meaning is probably not worth living, so meaning is also necessary for survival. 


Knowing our needs and values supports our ability to respond with compassion in challenging times regardless whether we’re struggling to survive or searching for happiness (McGehee, Germer, & Neff, 2017).Suffering is nested in a core value, so core values play a role in how much we suffer in life.  


For example:  

-If I value outdoor recreation, then not receiving a promotion that would have demanded longer hours at the office might be a blessing. If I need more money for my family, being passed over for the promotion could be devastating.  

-If I value spending time with friends, then I will be disappointed when a friend cancels a visit. If you value time for reading and reflection, then the cancellation becomes an unexpected gift.  


What is the difference between goals and core values? 

Goals can be achieved; core values guide us after achieving our goals. Goals are destinations; core values are directions. Goals are something we do; core values are something we are. Goals are set by us; core values are discovered. Some examples of core values include compassion, honesty, generosity, loyalty, and courage.


What are some examples of core values?  

Many of our core values have to do with how we treat others, but many have to do with meeting personal needs that are deeply important to us. What are some examples of personal core values? Personal growth, creativity, tranquility, exploration, being in nature, etc.


What is the difference between a social norm and a core value? 

Does a core value energize us?  If it does, then it's probably an authentic core value and not simply a social norm.  Research has shown that self-compassion fosters authenticity, embracing who we are rather than who we are supposed to be (Zhang et al., 2019).  

no-mud-no-lotus.jpg.webp

An important aspect of living deeply is learning from our struggles and challenges. While most of us are afraid of failure and hardship, it’s often failures and hardships that teach us lessons we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. 


Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh's quote, “No mud, no lotus”  reminds us that suffering and joy are two sides of the same coin. We cannot have suffering without joy. Without mud, the lotus flower cannot exist. Similarly, challenges force us to go deep inside and discover resources and insights that we didn’t know we had. 

Sometimes the only thing we learn  from suffering is how to endure it, our triumph is simply to return to ordinary life.  That’s okay, too! Self-compassion helps us to feel safer, and it gives us the courage to turn toward suffering, be with it, and learn from it.

pexels-lee-imho-34435.jpg

HOME PRACTICE

The practices from this session are: 


Giving & Receiving Compassion 

Living with a Vow

Workbook: Chapters 14-15


Extra Home Practice: Silver Linings


Consider if there is a current difficulty in your life that might also have a silver lining. If so, you may want to reflect on what hidden lesson could be contained in the current dilemma and how might self-compassion help you learn this lesson.

Depositphotos_50947165_xl-2015.jpg

INFORMAL PRACTICE: LIVING WITH A VOW

What is a vow?


  • A vow is an aspiration to which we can continually reorient ourselves when we’ve gone astray in our lives.

  • A vow anchors our life and what matters most. It’s is not a binding contract.

  • A vow functions like the breath in breath meditation– a safe place to return to when we’re lost and adrift.


Often our feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration, and anxiety arise out of an awareness that we are not living in accord with our core values. A core value can be made into a vow.  We need to be very compassionate with ourselves when we noticed we’ve strayed – no shame or self-recrimination– and then refocus on our core value again. Lovingkindness phrases can also be vows if they reflect core values such as may all beings be happy and free from suffering. Or, may I learn to love all beings.


Suggestion for Practice:  

Please select a core value that you may like to manifest for the rest of your life. 


  • Write it in the form of a vow: may I or I vow to as best I can. 


  • Close your eyes and repeat your vow silently. How does it feel when you set your intention in this direction? Does it feel right? 


  •   Once you find a vow that lands in your heart without argument, there are many ways to use it in daily life. You can repeat your vow first thing in the morning, or create a ritual such as lighting a candle when you say your vow. Starting the day with a vow keeps us headed in the right direction throughout the day. You may also remind yourself of your vow before going to sleep, especially remembering small ways that they’ve behaved consistent with their core values.  

Depositphotos_48132517_XL_edited.jpg

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

One Morning by Rosemary Wahtola Trimmer

Why We Shouldn't Be Afraid of Suffering by Thich Nhat Hanh

bottom of page